Virgin state of mind
by Clemmentine
Summary: Buffy decides it's time to take her life into her own hands...especially where Angel's concerned.
1. Default Chapter

  
Author: LauraM  
Title: Virgin State of Mind  
Rating: Eh...PG-13 I guess right now, 'cuz of a LITTTTLE language.  
Summary: Buffy decides she's taking charge of her life...uhh...NOW!  
Notes: Don't know how long this is going to be yet..see if ANYONE likes it or not. The lyrics from "Virgin State of Mind" by K's Choice are in **'s  
Disclaimer: Not mine. Don't sue. Or do sue, I don't care, you can have my 2 cents  
(ALRIGHT..WAS CHEEEEEZAY...and it's 4 in the mornin...so bite me)  
  
  
  
  
*There's a chair in my head   
in which I used to sit.   
Took a pencil and I wrote the following on it...  
Now there's a key where my wonderful mouth used to be- dig it up and throw it at   
me-dig it up and throw it at me...*  
  
  
I can't seem to grasp the concept of it. ANY of it. These people, their meaningless lives and their stupid kids with their stupid hopes and dreams.  
  
What's the use in trying, or CARING for that matter? 'Cuz God knows, we don't have a say in how are lives turn out. We're just puppets down here. Little toys for the fates to play with. Entertainment to them- to see how well we play the FUCKING game of life that they designed for us.  
  
Who will be the richest? Smartest? Fastest? Strongest?   
-AND- who will fight the hardest and never give up even though NOTHING works out for her? I guess that would be me; the stOOpidest.  
  
But now, I've decided to quit. Just like I quit all games that are too hard for me to play. Actually, scratch that. I'm not quitting, that's not what I was *MADE* for. I'm just going to cheat a little bit. Show the puppet masters that I have a say in what I want to do. And I can do anything I want because I *AM* the slayer. THE SLAYER. The only and most powerful as far as I am, or anyone esle should be concerned.  
  
*Where can I run to?   
Where can I hide?  
Who will I turn to?  
Now I'm in a virgin state of mind.  
I got a knife to disengage the voids that   
I can't bear  
to cut out words I've got  
written on my chair.  
Like, do you think I'm sexy?  
Do you think I really care?  
Can I burn the mazes I grow?   
Can I?  
I don't think so.*  
  
  
My mom and Dawn are gone. I know I can't bring them back. Death is final. They got a "game-over" and all of their quarters ran out. But there are soooo many things that I need to change that still have eternities of quarters left in their pockets. The most important and definate being Angel. Well, Angel and me.  
  
The fates can try and screw us over all they want. Key word being: TRY. See, Angel and me, we have that special kinda love that revolves want, danger, and denial. Soooo, them damned powers I guess thought that I didn't want or deserve that or some shit and took it all away from me. AND WITHOUT ASKING MIGHT I ADD.  
  
I tried to accept it all, thinking that fate new best. Screw that. Buffy also knows what she's doing. And right now she's on a bus to L.A. to get her rightful love back and have a few carefully pre-selected words with fate. And this time, I will not be denied. Now I'm in a virgin state of mind.  
  
TBC...


	2. Virgin State of Mind (Want. Take. Have.

Chapter 1. Want. Take. Have.

The ride here was short, I didn't think it would be. I thought that I'd be jittery and unable to sit still. None of that, I was just simply contemplating what I would do. Tried to picture how he'd react to my little plan. Then after a while I realized, I didn't care. I was going to get what I wanted, I was sure of it, no need to think things through anymore, Want. Take. Have.

Faith was right, as much as I hate to admit it. That's as simple as my life has to be. I'm not letting anyone or anything stop me now. This world needs me, and I'm going to milk it for everything it's worth. 

I thought about Angel and his curse a little. Funny thing is, I don't think there is a damn curse. I know, I know, it was kinda proven once, but after he got re-cursed, I don't think there was a happiness clause, actually, I know there is no clause. Maybe it's my imagination, but I think not. I don't think this just because I want it so badly, I think this because it's true. I'm trusting every one of my senses now, no second guessing.

I got the spell that Will used, I'm going to show it to Angel, see if he sees anything funny in there. Maybe I'm just getting my hopes up, but everything's worth trying. 

The cab pulls up at the hotel that Giles said Angel lived in. It's nice, big. It probably just screams Angel from the inside decor. I love this place. 

I pay the cabby and make my way up to the door. I don't feel butterflies in my stomach, all I feel is confidence and this is a new thing. I like it. I don't even think I'll knock. This IS a hotel, is it not?

I feel higher and higher as I open the door. I walk right in like I own the place, I'm just damn cocky.

"BUFFY!" Cordelia yells. 

Hmm, I thought she'd be dead by now. Surprise, Surprise.

"Cordelia." I respond smoothly.

"Ah, Buffy, hello. How are you? Angel told us about your mother, I'm so sorry, I bet she was a wonderful woman." Wesley tells me. Fake Sympathy in his voice.

And in return, I have no feeling about his words. My mothers death just numbs me. I don't want people to feel sorry for me, or even act like they do. I don't want support. I just want them to drop it. I'll deal in my own time.

"I'm good Wesley, dealing. Is um, is Angel around?"

"Yes of course, he's upstairs. He's still asleep I suppose, but if your visit is of importance I'm sure he'd want you to wake him right away."

"It is. I will, where is uh, his room?"

"Oh of course, Cordy? Do you mind?" Wesley asks as he motions towards the stairs.

"Yeah, sure." Cordy responds giving me a little smile. I know her feelings about me aren't good ones, and I like it. Nice to see an honest feeling for once. I'm sure most people I know couldn't give a shit, but they hide it. Cordelia's not caring feelings towards me make me feel more loved than a lot of people's feelings I've gotten over the last few months.

This makes me like Codelia just that much more.

"He should be getting up anytime now anyways, and I'm sure he wants to see you. Are you here on like demony stuff? Or something? Big ol' war or something? Cuz BOY! Did you come to the right place, I mean, yeah, Angel, he's the one for this....well, you know." She mumbles.

"Uh yeah." I reply dryly, There will be no more small talk after that, Cordelia looks relieved. 

We finally stop at a door, and I can feel Angel inside it. I can picture him in his bed without his shirt just lying there looking dead. I loved that about Angel. The not needing to breathe part. He could hold me forever without moving. He'd let me sob and heave and he'd just take me in his arms where I felt safe. After he left I haven't felt safe once. I need him. I need him to survive. 

"He's in there, do you want me to wake him up first?" She asks.

"No, Cordy, I got it, thanks."

"Okay. OH! um, there's this thing. What I mean, uh, there's a little difference in him. So, don't be shocked or anything. He can tell you about it, I mean, well, you'll see." 

Whoa. What the hell? What's wrong with my Angel?!?!

"What?" I ask,

"Just go in, you'll see. It's a good thing, cross my heart hope to die."

Yeah she better hope to die, 'cuz if one thing is wrong with Angel I'm taking the whole world down. Count on it.

"Okay. Well, thanks." 

"No problem Buffy, we're down here if you need us."

I smile at her and turn the knob as she heads back towards the stairs.

The sight of his beautiful body lying there on the bed takes my breath away. I can't help the weak in the knees feeling I get. And all that confidence I had about 10 minutes ago....GONE. I'm shaking and almost crying as I make my way over to him. Even his unconscious self brings up so many demons I thought that I had overcome.

I get to the bed and lay my hand on his shoulder...even that little connection sends bolts of electricity down my spine. Whoa, he feels different. He feels WARM.

I was going to whisper and calmly wake him up, uh uh, what is this?! 

"ANGEL!!" 

I scream and this sends angel jolting up in bed.

He's gasping for breath, Angel's breathing, Angel's breathing, Angel's breathing, Angel's breathing.

"Buffy?" He asks.

"YES. Angel you're breathing. Angel! you're warm! ANGEL?!" I'm in complete hysterics.

"Buffy..." He starts, "Buffy, I'm human."

TBC...

HA!!! you like this human thing? I wasn't sure...it just came, I'm sorry for this little cliff hanger, but I probably won't be able to write anymore until tonight. I'm gonna shoot for AT LEAST one a day, because I'm getting a lot of feedback. Okay, well, tell me if you like this yet or not, I can turn him back into a vampire if you want....oooookay, well lemme know.


	3. Virgin State of Mind (My way)

Chapter 2. My way

Rating: PG-15 perchance.

Dedication: To all the lovely peoples who keep shocking me by sending *GOOD* feedback. And to Anika who is my wonderful beta and friend and puts up with all my ideas for stories which I usually don't end up posting. And also to Brandon who has put sooo much effort into making me pretty pictures. Has nothing to do with my fanfic except incredible support, which without I would have no confidence.

Notes: Wanted to clear up about Angel sleeping during the day. (hehe thanks Saturniia) Yes, I noticed that seemed weird...but I didn't feel like adding sentences to explain it. Well, I tried, but it made my gut hurt. I sleep most of the day too....so, human Angel can be strange like me for this fic. :)~

Again thanks so much, I think this will be the last for this story, I have more yummay stories with Buff and Angel on the way, and I *PROMISE* you'll like them so much better, more detailed and they explain all the weird habits and background. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Okay....so.....who? what? when? where? why? and how? Did Angel just say he's HUMAN?!?! I need to make sure of this...

"Huhwhat?" I ask in complete shock.

"Buffy, I'm human. I have been for a week or so. Are you okay?" He looks like he's searching my face for answers...what was the question? 

"Angel..." I breathe out, "how did this happen?"

"I got my reward. They turned me human. Are you okay? What's wrong?" He blabs out all at once.

I don't remember what's wrong or why I came, my Angel's human. Screw my old mission, this is so much better than anything that I could have possibly come up with. Maybe fate is on my side after all. ANGEL IS HUMAN!!!

"Oh." I remember saying, and then I fainted.

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"Buffy? BUFFY?" *SLAP*

"God Cordelia! You trying to put her into a coma?!" I hear Angel yell.

"hehmmohhhgod!" I mumble incoherently "ANGEL!!! YOU'RE HUMAN!"

"Well, I told you he was different..." Cordelia states.

I jump up off the couch that I'm laid out on and fling myself onto Angel's giant body.

He giggles and falls to the floor with the impact of my thrust. Angel just giggled...Angel giggled. HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHAHA!! Oh sweet Jesus, this is too much.

"Buffy.." giggle, breath, SMILE! "Buffy, did you need something? Are you in..." His retarded questioning is disregarded and I make the move to his mouth.

"Yeah, you." I tell him centimeters away from those beautiful lips.

"Okay." He replies with an adorable smile. "No other reason?" He questions.

"Nope." I tell him.

"Good." He tells me back.

"Yup." 

And then he's almost touching his lips to mine when...

"OH! God, gag me now!" The may-queen from hell yaps.

"No problem, Cordelia." I say and get up off of Angel and turn to her, a look of mock hatred on my face.

"Whoops. My bad, I'll be leaving now, because you two won't need me. Right? You two can handle that thing...you know. Right? No use having a third wheel around..."

"WEll, yes, Cordelia and I will be leaving now. Come along Queen C." Wesley says from his place behind the counter.

"Yes, we are. Leaving. You kids have fun now."

"Ooooookay." Angel replies as Cordy and Wes make their way out of the building.

"Hmmm." I say. "Now...where were we?"

"I don't know, Buffy, maybe we should talk about this first...like why you came?"

"I came to see you. And what do you mean you don't know. Angel, we can have anything we've ever wanted now. I don't want to talk, I want action." I tell him truthfully...talky's fun whilst in the company of other persons....but now, Angel's human, and we're alone. In a hotel. With hundreds of rooms. With no curse. With no interruptions. With Angel. Yummay.

"I know... it's just, maybe we shouldn't rush. Not that I don't want to...rush." 

Whoa, deja vu. I'm at a loss for words so I just say "Oh."

"Buffy..." He says coming towards me.

"Huh?" 

"You leave me for a second?"

"Oh, no, yes, I uh, I guess."

"Oh. Well, how are you? You look nice. Like you're uh, doing good. Well." He sounds uneasy. 

Why the hell does he have to be all noble? I know he wants this just as much as I do. Then I remember my initial plan to come and take what was mine. And damn it, I'm taking this. 

I walk over to him, push him down onto the couch and straddle his waist.

"Listen up Angel. I'm a big girl now, I know what I want. That'd be you. I know you want this too." I said making my point by rubbing our lower bodies together. I get me a little grunty moan out of this, looks like Buffy's gonna get her wish. I continue in my breathy/seductive voice... "Tell me you don't want me, Angel. Tell me you haven't dreamed of this every night for the past two years."

"I...Buffy... I want you." He tells me in a raspy tone.

"Good." 

And then I got what I wanted, over and over again. In the lobby, on the counter, in the shower, in his bed, and making our way down the steps to go get something to eat. And now I'm a completely different person, funny how getting something done your way once will do that to you.

*~THE END~*

I think...I didn't see this story going anywhere special. The ending to this kinda sucks too...sorry for that. Okay, well thanks for feeding my monster ego with your lovely fanfic, I hope you liked it.


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